mike reissClassic Simpsons writer Mike Reiss usurped current Simpsons writer Matt Selman’s Xanga page to spin a sordid tale of lies, deceit, greed, and avarice. In the cutthroat world of children’s literature, celebrities have all the advantage, while run-of-the mill schlubs like Emmy Award-winning comedy writer Mike Reiss are forced to eat bowls of tough breaks for brunch. It seems a certain “Steve Martin,” famous person and noted bluegrass musician, penned a little book titled Late for School (adapted from the song by the same name), which as M. Reiss points out, is uncannily similar to Reiss’s 2003 book, also titled Late for School:

Both tell the story of a boy facing adventure on a mad dash for school. Both are written in verse. Both have the boy jumping over a pool (it rhymes with school). The biggest difference is that my book’s final twist has the boy arriving at school right on time, and then – spoiler alert! – realizing it’s Sunday. In Steve Martin’s book, it’s Saturday.

Well, well, well. Looks like these celebrity punks who’ve been taking picture book jobs away from real Americans are finally going to get their comeuppance. Reiss is holding all the cards here. Undoubtedly, he’ll slap Martin with a lawsuit so fast his head will explode. This will be the literary theft case of the decade. This will be —

I’m not saying Steve ripped off my book, or even knew it existed. Steve Martin is a brilliant comedian, playwright and novelist. I’m thrilled that we had the exact same idea. And that I had it seven years earlier.

I… b-but…. whaaa?…. *sputters incoherently* [Techland]


egg council creepHere’s a classic scene from “Homer the Great,” where Homer attempts to save Lenny’s life by stomping on an egg sandwich, in order to get into the Stonecutters:

Homer: I saved your life! That egg sandwich could have killed you by cholesterol.

Lenny: Pfft, forget it, Homer. While it has been established that eggs contain cholesterol, it has not yet been proven conclusively that they actually raise the level of serum cholesterol in the human blood stream.

Homer: So one of those Egg Council creeps got to you too, huh?

Lenny: Aw, you’ve got it all wrong, Homer. It’s not like that.

A man in an egg costume creeps, then runs, away.

Homer: You’d better run, egg!

The Simpsons Archive explains the reference:

+ California Egg Council commercial {ert}
– some humorous TV ads put out by the Council depict eggs in prison running off with glee when they’re set free

I have a very, very vague memory of a commercial with people in egg costumes, so I searched for it on YouTube, home of a million old commercials for those of us whose memories have been hijacked by Madison Avenue madmen. Thus far I have been unsuccessful in locating it. But I refuse to admit defeat.

That’s why I’m enlisting you, hypothetical reader, to go forth and find these commercials, so that the world will know that the Egg Council is a real threat. Here’s what I’ve managed to learn from five minutes of AltaVista-searching:

  • I have no idea if these commercials aired nationally or just in California. Did you non-Californians get those stupid “California: It’s The Cheese” commercials?
  • The Egg Council is still around, apparently, and still making commercials.
  • There is also a California Egg Commission. How deep does the rabbit hole go?
  • In “Burns’ Heir,” Mr. Burns calls it the Egg Advisory Council. Same thing, right? How many Egg Councils can there be?
  • Here is some helpful information on egg

Let me know if you find anything via Twitter or e-mail.

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According to a “blind item” over at the reputable-sounding BlindGossip.com, a “bratty actress” on a TV show wanted more money than her fellow cast members, which made TENSIONS SIMMER. Then they REACHED ONE HUNDRED DEGREES CELSIUS when she “used her character to promote an organization with which she is associated.” Now things are all awkward, so she tries to avoid working with her fellow actors whenever she can, and the producers are totally cool with this.

The general consensus in the comments section of both this site and the one over at Gawker (and really, who better to trust than people who post in comment sections on blogs?) is that the actress in question is Nancy Cartwright, voice of TV’s Bart Simpson. You might remember her from such controversies as that time last year when she used Bart’s voice on some robo-calls to promote the Church of Scientology, which would definitely fulfill the “promote an organization” part of the criteria. Other points to consider: the use of the adjective “bratty” (Bart is an anagram for brat, which is one of the fun facts that are obligated to appear in every article about The Simpsons), it’s really easy to avoid fellow cast members if you’re a voice actor (in fact, Maggie Roswell avoids coming into the recording studio altogether by doing all her lines from Colorado), the actors all got a pay raise somewhat recently, and there’s a stupid little doodle of a yellow-skinned lady-pacman. THE PIECES ALL FIT, except for the part where it mentions a “set” which musta been thrown in there to throw us off the scent.

Or it could be Pauley Perrette or something, who knows. [BlindGossip.com]