YEAR-END FILLER MATERIAL

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AZTEC THEATRE

Earlier this year, some radio show noticed that singer-songwriter Usher’s chart-topping hit song “OMG” sounds remarkably like a song Homer Simpson tried to compose in the particularly awful 2003 episode “Dude, Where’s My Ranch?” Judge for yourself:

I don’t believe Mr. Usher intentionally committed songtheft. Like most of us who watched that episode, he must have tried to block it from his mind, but no matter how hard we try to repress our memories of Current Simpsons, bits and pieces still manage to escape. Try as I might, I can’t forget about Sideshow Bob Jr., or that Snowball II is actually Snowball V now, or the time Homer was Kurt Cobain for some reason. In Usher’s case, that little ditty somehow seeped through his mental blockade, years later and drained of its context, and because of cryptomnesia, he thought he’d come up with the tune himself and then proceeded to turn it into a hit single.

Unfortunately for him, this is not the first time he has been accused of plagiarizing a non-human. Last year, a devastating expose revealed he had stolen the opening of “Papers” from a goat. [YouTube via @ShawnElliot]

BORT REPORT, TORTURE LAND

And so it has spent the last year outfitting an underground, nerve center to address that most low-tech of problems, the wait. Located under Cinderella Castle, the new center uses video cameras, computer programs, digital park maps and other whiz-bang tools to spot gridlock before it forms and deploy countermeasures in real time.

In one corner, employees watch flat-screen televisions that depict various attractions in green, yellow and red outlines, with the colors representing wait-time gradations.

If Pirates of the Caribbean, the ride that sends people on a spirited voyage through the Spanish Main, suddenly blinks from green to yellow, the center might respond by alerting managers to launch more boats

bort command center

“We need more Bort license plates in the gift shop. I repeat, we are sold out of Bort license plates.”

[New York Times]

BONGO BEAT

bart leatherBart Simpson has had his fair share of enemies of over the years. Nelson Muntz. Principal Skinner. Sideshow Bob. The country of Australia. Space Mutants. But these formidable foes have been mere child’s play compared to the deadliest enemy of all: the gender binary.

The Simpsons, of course, is no stranger to controversy. But in recent decades, the show’s penchant for edginess has fallen by the wayside. And so it has fallen upon Simpsons Comics, the show’s funnybook corporate sister, to pick up the gauntlet of provocative social commentary. From the looks of things, it appears the Bongo Comics creative team has risen to the occasion with this – dare I say – daring premise for an issue currently available in stores:

Bart becomes an Internet sensation after being filmed while donning a wig and performing for his friends at Springfield Elementary. Little does he know it will all lead to fame, fortune, and the all-you-can-eat backstage buffet as he becomes the new (female?) pop diva sensation…Torie Missouri!

Yes, that’s right. Bart Simpson is being enlisted to fight in the war against Gender.

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THE INSIDE SCOOP

julian assangeThink Wikileaks is the only organization that can bust out top-secret information on the ‘net? Think again! Once again, a top-secret informant who works on the show has sent us some EXCLUSIVE information about upcoming Season 22 episodes. If these plots are any indication, it looks like we’re in for another “Golden Era”!

Here’s our tipster’s e-mail, reproduced in full:

good morning,

here at Simpsons Studios we’ve just finished another batch of new episodes of america’s most popular tv show. here’s what’s on tap:

Homer’s Earlier Work

After Homer’s old vlogcasts are lampooned by Daniel Tosh, he tells Bart and Lisa the story of his early Duff Blue Ribbon-fueled romance with Marge in the heady days of 2007 Williamsburg. Guest starring M.I.A., Avey Tare, Tao Lin, and Ryan Schreiber.

I Can’t Believe It’s a Bigger and Better Updated Unofficial Simpsons Glide

Jealous of Marge’s burgeoning gliding career, Homer buys a glider, much to the chagrin of Bart, whose own gliding ambitions have stalled. Meanwhile, Lisa finds herself in a predicament she can’t glide out of.

Speaker of the House John [Annoyed Grunt]-ner

Disgusted by Obama’s bear tax, Homer leads a one-man crusade to restore America to its former glory. Lisa breaks the news to Wendell about her powerful new beau. Guest starring Will Arnett, with Jon Stewart as Ignorant Man.

30 Schlock

Things go smoothly when uptight Miss Hoover takes the helm of the Krusty Show… that is, until an in-your-face Carl Carlson joins the cast! Guest starring Paul Scheer as a Krustylu page.

Episode About The Internet Awkwardly Written By Aging Gen Xers (working title)

When the townspeople discover that Lisa is behind their unflattering Wikipedia pages, it’s a race against the clock as only one man can save Springfield from speedy deletion. Meanwhile, Bart tries to cash in on this meme craze, only to face some tough questions from Snowball II about the chicken nuggets. Guest starring Jimmy Wales.

as you can see we’ve got some great stuff coming up, and we need all the buzz we can get to keep the simpsons #1. also please note that most if not all of these episodes will be preempted by professional football and eventually played during summer 2013, if ever.

best,

Virgil Texas
http://twitter.com/virgiltexas

Remember, you can always send us your hot hot Simpsons info by e-mail (simpsons@rubbercat.net), by Twitter (@rubbrcatsimp), or by fax (as soon as we get our fax machine working)! [Twitter.com/virgiltexas]

AZTEC THEATRE

p>Everybody’s favorite Taiwanese animation studio, Next Media Animation, has made another one of their trademark CGI news reports about the Simpsons/Fox News pseudo-rivalry, exposing the Simpsons writers’ secret creative process and Rupert Murdoch’s shark fetish:

The Simpsons now joins Jersey Shore and Conan in an exclusive club of TV shows that have been NMAted, which is a verb I just made up and will be charging royalties for. [Next Media Animation via Cartoon Brew]