TORTURE LAND

itchy & scratchy land mapUniversal Studios Florida – sorry, Universal Orlando Resort, officially announced the addition of a Springfield-themed area next to The Simpsons Ride, thus confirming the rumors from back in November.

Here’s what their Facebook page says about it:

It will be the only place in the world where you can walk the streets of Springfield, grab a Krusty-certified meat sandwich at Krusty Burger, go nuts for donuts at Lard Lad, imbibe at Moe’s Tavern and more! Plus there will be Duff Beer – brewed exclusively for Universal Orlando – and a new attraction called Kang & Kodos’ Twirl ‘n’ Hurl that will take you “foolish humans” on an intergalactic spin designed to send you into orbit!

By “streets” they must mean “street,” singular, if the artwork is anything to go by. Also there’s something called “Cletus’ Chicken Shack” which is NOT CANON and should be boycotted at all costs.

In related news, Universal just jacked up the price of admission to $92, thus becoming the first Orlando theme park to go over $90.

[Inside the Magic]

TORTURE LAND

Well, that guy in Springfield, Oregon may have failed in his attempt to create a “Simpsonsville”, but it looks like Universal Studios Florida (which I think is different from Universal Studios Islands of Adventure but I’m not totally sure) might be getting a Simpsons Land around its Simpsons Ride attraction, if “one ride surrounded by a bunch of price-gouging gift shops and restaurants” even counts as a theme park land these days. Some theme park blog called Screamscape (which I don’t think is even a “blog” since it appears to just be a static web page that gets updated when new rumors come in) has been on the case since September, when they posted this:

According to Screamscape sources, we can expect to see the International Food Festival food court eatery next to The Qwik-E-Mart [sic.] closed in the next few weeks in order to undergo a major transformation to become Simpsons themed. Rumor has it that we will see the addition of a true Krusty Burger and Moe’s Tavern appear here in time for late Spring 2013. I can only assume that we will see Universal take what they learned about adding custom food and beverage items from the Wizarding World [of Harry Potter] and bring some tasty edible Simpsons items to life. Who else is up for a Flaming Moe?

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BORT REPORT, TORTURE LAND

And so it has spent the last year outfitting an underground, nerve center to address that most low-tech of problems, the wait. Located under Cinderella Castle, the new center uses video cameras, computer programs, digital park maps and other whiz-bang tools to spot gridlock before it forms and deploy countermeasures in real time.

In one corner, employees watch flat-screen televisions that depict various attractions in green, yellow and red outlines, with the colors representing wait-time gradations.

If Pirates of the Caribbean, the ride that sends people on a spirited voyage through the Spanish Main, suddenly blinks from green to yellow, the center might respond by alerting managers to launch more boats

bort command center

“We need more Bort license plates in the gift shop. I repeat, we are sold out of Bort license plates.”

[New York Times]

TORTURE LAND

Lest you think The Simpsons Archive, the holy grail of Simpsons nerdery, has been slacking (it is currently seven years behind on its encyclopedic episode capsules), contributor Tim Reardon [?!] has written an incredibly thorough 18,719- word summary, transcript, and review of The Simpsons Ride, including every line in the queue videos, the pictures on the walls, and a list of every character who appears in it. Why pay $50 to go on the ride when you can read this instead? [The Simpsons Archive]

TORTURE LAND, WHAA...?!

Guests aboard one vehicle of The Simpsons Ride at Universal Orlando on Friday were sprayed with a nontoxic oil.

Park officials told Local 6 News that they know where the oil came from but do not what caused the incident.

Well that narrows it down [local6.com]