TORTURE LAND

Universal Studios Florida Might Add Some Simpsons Restaurants Or Whatever

Well, that guy in Springfield, Oregon may have failed in his attempt to create a “Simpsonsville”, but it looks like Universal Studios Florida (which I think is different from Universal Studios Islands of Adventure but I’m not totally sure) might be getting a Simpsons Land around its Simpsons Ride attraction, if “one ride surrounded by a bunch of price-gouging gift shops and restaurants” even counts as a theme park land these days. Some theme park blog called Screamscape (which I don’t think is even a “blog” since it appears to just be a static web page that gets updated when new rumors come in) has been on the case since September, when they posted this:

According to Screamscape sources, we can expect to see the International Food Festival food court eatery next to The Qwik-E-Mart [sic.] closed in the next few weeks in order to undergo a major transformation to become Simpsons themed. Rumor has it that we will see the addition of a true Krusty Burger and Moe’s Tavern appear here in time for late Spring 2013. I can only assume that we will see Universal take what they learned about adding custom food and beverage items from the Wizarding World [of Harry Potter] and bring some tasty edible Simpsons items to life. Who else is up for a Flaming Moe?

EXCLUSIVE SCOOP (MUST CREDIT RUBBERCAT.NET/SIMPSONS!!!): I sampled what was called a “Krusty Burger” at the Los Angeles opening of The Simpsons Ride – they had a food thing set up for the press covering the event, where this nice lady forced to wear a Marge Simpson wig was working – and (SPOILER ALERT) it tasted like an average burger

But wait, there’s more! Here’s a more recent item from earlier in the week:

New rumors about the Simpsons themed land are now growing in size and scope. The latest word around the park is that not only will we see a new Krusty Burger and Moe’s Tavern, there may also be a Kentucky Fried Panda (Finger Ling-Ling Good!) [I assume this is from the China episode but I’m not going to bother checking] and possibly even a mini Duff Brewery bar set up on the lagoon edge.

The Simpsons expansion wont be limited to new restaurants either, as I’m told that we may also see other classic icons and building facades put in for Lard Lad donuts, the Comic Book Guy’s shop [dude it’s called The Android’s Dungeon get it right], and even some kind of new flat ride that may be themed to the aliens: Kang and Kodos placed near the bridge on the MIB side of the Simpsons ride building. I doubt Universal would install one of these, but a Gravitron could be perfectly themed to Kang & Kodos don’t you think?

I didn’t know what the heck a “flat ride” was (these theme park kids and their lingo!) and had to look it up. I assumed they meant some sort of rinky-dink Flying Saucers clone but if this page is anything to go by, a flat ride appears to be pretty much anything you might see at a carnival? So who even knows what it could be.

I also didn’t know what the heck a Gravitron was so I searched for using Bing, the decision engine from Microsoft (DISCLOSURE: Previous clause sponsored by Microsoft) and it turns out its that UFO thing that spins around so you’re pinned to the wall. Wikipedia says it was invented in 1983… so then what the hell was the ride from The 400 Blows called??? I guess someone just took that old ride, slapped a UFO around it, and patented it as the “Gravitron.” The ride business is ruthless.

But yeah, a Simpsons-themed Gravitron would be great! It’d be the perfect place to recreate this scene from Summer of 4 Ft. 2:

[Screamscape]