THOSE CLOWNS IN CONGRESS, WHAA...?!

Your Elected Representatives are using Your Tax Dollars to write Simpsons fanfiction. There is no explanation for this.

Republican Senate hopeful Montgomery Burns today joined with Mayor Joe Quimby, D-Springfield, to support the Senate’s gazillion-dollar SCHIP bill.

“If the poor children can get a piece of the action, why can’t I?” explained Burns at a MoveOn.org rally in Capital City. “The little darlings are needy? Me, too. I need somebody to pay. Quimby here says he knows a bunch of low-income nobodies who are ripe for the picking. Excellent.”

Read the rest, it gets better. [House Energy and Commerce Committee Republicans via Wonkette]

GROEN DRAIN

Popular celebrity-stalking website TMZ has posted an article by Melissa-Mindy Trump Hilton, who bears strong resemblance to comedienne Amy Sedaris, in which she declares her intentions of becoming the Akbar to Matt Groening’s Jeff:

People have been saying that I have “set my cap” on becoming “Mrs. Matt Groening.” And they say that for the entire summer, I have been drunkenly throwing myself at Matt, in a way that appears almost desperate, making plans to cross his path during movie industry events and parties and receptions, always popping up at his side. And that one incident where I got kind of drunk at the Viper Room with Matt that caused my banning. Anyway: Matt Groening and I are “just friends,” as they say. We do like to go to the beach together, we’ve been to a few local spas, we enjoy board games like Twatch and Scrabble. But we are just friends. Period. Oh, well, I have my hopes … like any girl does. But for now those hopes are private and I know that TMZ won’t betray my confidences.

[TMZ]

WEB-WATCH

Wikipedia user “a metal shard” has blown the doors off the biggest plagiarism scandal to rock the animation world since the Lion King/Kimba the White Lion fiasco of 1994:

Neon Genesis: Evangelion—theme?

While viewing the movie, I was reminded several times throughout of the old Anime: 1. The corporation EPA and their helicopters = NGE’s EVA and their large scale assaults + heli’s are almost identical 2. Dome = Angel’s shields (were they called AT Fields?) 3. Homer’s Epiphany = Shinji’s numerous experiences, almost identical, with the clapping hands and such, 3.5 the boob-ladie’s blowing into Homer’s mouth remind me of the NGA’s women cleavage and kissing scene (during Shinji’s dream?). 4. Homer’s pig = Masato’s penguin

A naysayer attempts to shoot down his theories, forcing a metal shard to respond with these sage words of wisdom: “Maybe if you had seen the anime show, watched the movies, played the games, read the manga, or set foot in Japan, you wouldn’t be so quick to claim that I was implying anything…” Don’t let the bastards grind you down, a metal shard! Keep on fighting the good fight! [Wikipedia]

ANNOYED GRUNTS, WEB-WATCH

A TV Squad critic is infumed that some people think The Simpsons decreased in quality over the past decade or so, and that some of those people are using the internet to voice that opinion.

This is the CRITIC’s equation: Everybody loves this show, and since most people are stupid, their love must mean that the show is stupid too… if I express my disdain for the show, I am distancing myself from the stupid masses and am therefore smarter than the average person. I can thus explain my lack of a date to the senior prom as not a commentary on my severely lacking personal hygiene but on the Philistine’s inability to recognize genius in their midst. I will now go watch obscure BBC comedies and eat Fluff directly out of a jar.

[TV Squad]

COMING ATTRACTIONS, MY TWO CENTS, PANEL PIECES

Despite reports to the contrary, the next season is looking to be a continuation of the death spiral that was the past two seasons, if the Simpsons panel at Comic-Con is any indication. A look at what’s to come:

  • Yet another Nelson episode: Really? Again? Who could have imagined that there would be so many goddamn episodes exploring the emotional life of the kid who says “haw haw?”
  • Another slam at the on-screen FOX advertising bugs:

    The panel was brought to a close with a clip from the upcoming season’s Halloween episode. In it, Marge is decorating cupcakes that look like jack-o’-lanterns. She pokes fun at the fact that Halloween “was last week,” but at the Simpsons’ house they’re still celebrating (a nod to the fact that the Halloween episodes never air on Halloween). While she’s speaking, the American Idol “bug” pops up on screen. Marge is upset by this, grabs her Dust Buster and sucks the logo up. She tries to start speaking again, but the Fox Sports “bug” pops up and a bunch of mini-football players run out. Marge kills them with bug spray. Next, 24 (along with a mini-Jack Bauer), Family Guy (with mini-Peter Griffin) and House bugs (with mini-Dr. House) appear. Marge grabs Jack and sticks him to the fridge with a magnet. Next, she “blends” Peter to death with a cappuccino frother. Lastly, she grabs Dr. House, sticks him in the microwave, and blows him up. Cut to the family sitting at the dining room table and Marge walking in with fresh baked bread. “Dinner is served,” says Marge. She slices off a piece of bread to reveal the various body parts of all these guys spelling out “Treehouse of Terror XVII.”

    OK, it was kinda funny when Homer ate Joe Millionaire, but this is comedy cancer.

  • More character returns: This time it’s Lurleen Lumpkin, the country singer Homer managed, and Sideshow Bob’s brother Cecil, following in the footsteps of such other pointless Jean-era returning characters as Homer’s Mother, Bob the RV salesman, Artie Ziff, and The Guy Who Originally Owned The Dog.
  • Al Jean is going to remain showrunner forever: Says No Homers Club poster elephant6rawk, who was there and asked them if they plan on replacing Jean as guy in charge of the show any time soon. There is no hope for The Simpsons.

[IGN]

WEB-WATCH

Candy Addict is a blog that’s completely crazy about candy – just look at its description: “Candy news, views, and reviews. All the candy that’s fit to eat, and some that isn’t. All candy, all the time. Addicted to candy.” In honor of The Simpsons Movie, or so I assume, they compiled a list of the top 10 Simpsons candy moments, which one of the candy addicts thought I might be interested in and kindly e-mailed me about it. The Simpsons article is good and well, but I strongly advise looking at the rest of Candy Addict because it’s delightfully insane. [Candy Addict]