THE INSIDE SCOOP, WRITER WATCH

dana gouldIN THE NEWS is happy to report that comedian and former Simpsons writer Dana Gould is not a murderer.

Here’s the deal: a while ago I learned from Wikipedia that Gould had used the pseudonym “Lawrence Talbot” for a Simpsons episode he’d written, Goo Goo Gai Pan, wherein the Simpsons go to China to help Aunt Selma adopt a baby. Curious about this intriguing bit of trivia, I decided to ask him about it in what I hoped was a friendly, professional e-mail:

dear mr. gould

i have a press inquiry: why did u use a pseudonym for the simpsons episode “goo goo gai pan”? or is wikipedia got it’s facts wrong.

thanx

urs in christ,
adam
http://rubbercat.net/simpsons/news

Alas, a few weeks passed and there was no response from Mr. Gould. Naturally, I assumed he was attempting to dodge the question because he was hiding something nefarious, hoping the scandal would blow over before it even started. Well, I wasn’t going to give up so easily. Undaunted, I e-mailed him again a couple times, but each time I was rebuffed with his stonewalling silence. That’s when things got personal. How dare this Hollywood Liberal refuse to answer questions from the press! How could he so callously disregard my joke Simpsons fansite as anything less than legitimate? But I didn’t let my emotions compromise my professional integrity, no sir. I knew that as a member of the vaunted Fourth Estate, my responsibility was to shake out The Truth by any means necessary. So, I decided to take the upper hand in this escalating cat-and-mouse game between reporter and subject. and play a little hardball. Utilizing a journalism strategy I learned from an imaginary book, I took the story public and spread some venomous allegations about Mr. Gould, speculating perhaps he had “murdered a teenage girl” or “shot up an entire orphanage” and was hiding behind a phony name to escape culpability for his crimes. In short, I hoped to force his hand and get him to respond. Here’s the original post about it, as I reported at the time.

WRITER WATCH

marge surprisedWriter/producer Matt Selman and former writer/murderer Dana Gould are doing a “thing” this Thursday at Meltdown Comics in Los Angeles. If you pay them 10 bucks, they will regale you with anecdotes about working for The Simpsons in the post-funny era, answer questions about wizard keys, as well as – and this is the important part – give you all the backstage dirt, like “Who punched a box?” If any of you readers out there end up going to this thing, please please please tell me who punched the box. I desperately need to know.

[NerdMelt]

THE INSIDE SCOOP

dana gouldWhile researching “SIMPSONS ALUMNI UPDATE 2010,” I learned that former Simpsons writer Dana Gould used the pseudonym “Lawrence Talbot” on the “Simpsons Go To China” episode where Aunt Selma buys a Chinese baby who has never been mentioned since. Gould’s use of a pseudonym struck me as peculiar: was it because of some legal thing? Could it be that a writer who started in the post-funny era could actually be so ashamed of his work that he would want to distance himself from it? What’s the point of using a pseudonym when the genuinym is so easily findable on the Internet?

Now, IN THE NEWS is a Very Serious News Organization that takes great pride in its journalistic integrity – here is my real, actual, not-making-this-up press badge – and so, for answers, I went straight to the source: the only e-mail address I could find on his website.

From: simpsons@rubbercat.net
To: info@danagould.com
Date: Sat, Mar 20, 2010
Subj: lawrence talbot

dear mr. gould

i have a press inquiry: why did u use a pseudonym for the simpsons episode “goo goo gai pan”? or is wikipedia got it’s facts wrong.

thanx

urs in christ,

adam

http://rubbercat.net/simpsons/news

I got no response. OK, whatever, this probably happens to Morley Safer all the time. Undeterred, I sent a second inquiry, this time with all the respectability I could summon.

From: simpsons@rubbercat.net
To: info@danagould.com
Date: Thu, Apr 8, 2010
Subj: press inquiry

Dear Sir Or Madam Whom It May Concern:

On the 20th of March I sent a press inquiry to this address, which as of this writing has not garnered a reply. I shall rephrase and repeat the question in hopes of an answer: why did Mr. Gould choose to use the pseudonym “Lawrence Talbot” for the The Simpsons episode entitled “Goo Goo Gai Pan” (production code #GABF06, original airdate 13 March 2005)?

I am an important member of The Press and I will not rest until I get an answer. A simple “no comment” will suffice. You may answer “off the record” if that is more palatable to you.

Yours in Christ,

Adam

Head Journalist, IN THE NEWS

http://rubbercat.net/simpsons/news

Then I sort of forgot about this whole thing for a while, but then I remembered about it and I got mad. I was through playing games. It was time for answers!

From: simpsons@rubbercat.net
To: info@danagould.com
Date: Fri, Apr 23, 2010
Subj: ultimatum

I’ve had it!!! Twice I have e-mailed this address for a simple answer as to why Dana Gould used the pseudonym Lawrence Talbot, and I STILL have gotten no response! WHAT ARE YOU HIDING, DANA GOULD? If I don’t get a response by April 30th, I will have no choice but to go public with unfounded rumours and speculation about Mr. Gould. YOU CANNOT HIDE FROM THE PRESS.

Adam

http://rubbercat.net/simpsons/news

Needless to say, I still have yet to receive a response from Mr. Gould or his associates.

So why is this guy, Dana Gould, hiding behind a fake name and stonewalling the fourth estate? Here are my theories:

  • Dana Gould murdered a teenage girl during a trip to China
  • Dana Gould shot up an entire orphanage
  • Dana Gould was fired from Fox because of his rampant drug abuse
  • Dana Gould is the reason The Simpsons is so bad now
  • Dana Gould was ashamed of his name after discovering it is an anagram for “analog dud”
  • Dana Gould was incarcerated at the time (prisoners are not allowed to write for TV)
  • Dana Gould is a deadbeat dad attempting to hide his TV revenue from his ex-wife
  • Dana Gould was in possession of evidence that could have brought down the Bush Administration
  • Dana Gould was put into witness protection after seeing a mafia guy kill a dude
  • Dana Gould’s body is the current soul vessel for the entity once known as “Andy Kaufman”

No denials as of yet… hmmm….

WRITER WATCH

Gould: I don’t want to be standing at the Pearly Gates explaining why I spent my life watching DVDs of sitcoms I’d already seen. I mean, really … do something else. Fold up old paper bags. Make a puppet. Dress like an angel and convince a wino that he’s died. Something constructive.

Does his boss Matt Groening know about this??? [City Paper]