EA

NOISELAND ARCADE

An image of Activision Blizzard's marquee franchises, with the cover of Simpsons Wrestling crudely replacing Diablo.

Activision’s The Simpsons Wrestling, long considered one of the worst Simpsons video games if not video games period, could have a second life thanks to Microsoft’s pending acquisition of its parent company.

Theoretically, the 2001 PlayStation-exclusive game could be ported over to Xbox and released on the Game Pass subscription service, giving a new generation of gamers the chance to have Groundskeeper Willie wail on Lisa Simpson.

Pure poppycock, you say? Consider this: last year saw the surprise return of Konami’s 1991 Simpsons arcade game in the form of an arcade cabinet replica, so who’s to say Simpsons Wrestling isn’t due for a nostalgic revival? Secondly, Microsoft isn’t spending $68.7 billion to not release games, are they?

That said, if they were to port the game, why not use the opportunity to remake it from the ground up? What if Disney teamed up with Activision Blizzard to completely reimagine Simpsons Wrestling as a platform fighting game with a huge roster of Simpsons characters to compete with Super Smash Bros., Nickelodeon All-Star Brawl, and Warner Bros.’ upcoming Multiversus? The Simpsons has been AWOL from console games for years – a Smash clone would be a great way to herald a new era of Simpsons games.

Of course, Activision’s Simpsons license probably expired years ago, EA being the game’s publisher in international markets could cause some legal headaches, and there’s a slight chance so-called “President” Biden’s cronies in the FTC might not even approve the deal in the first place. But a gamer can dream…

ANNOYED GRUNTS

mad marge

As the 12-day FXX marathon enters into The Modern Age and all the goodwill turns into apathy and anger, let’s take a brief look at people and entities who are mad at The Simpsons this week.

The Parents Television Council recently sent Matt Groening an open letter shaming him for the rape joke(s…?) in the upcoming Family Guy/Simpsons crossover, which the Simpsons team apparently had little say over. President Tim Winter claims he’s been a fan of Groening’s work “as far back as the mid-1980s when [Life in Hell] appeared in the LA Weekly.” Yes, I can totally picture the head of the PTC picking up an alt-weekly and laughing at the antics of the frequently-nude gay twins Akbar & Jeff next to ads for escort services. [Parents Television Council]

Tapped Out players are getting fed up with the game and EA’s slowness in addressing the problems. “Gil cannot save Tapped Out,” a blogger dramatically proclaims. It’s always Gil’s fault, isn’t it? [TSTO game via Dead Homer Society]

Hologram USA claims the Homer hologram shown at Comic-Con violated their patent on a variation of the stage trick “Pepper’s Ghost,” which is also the title of my Blue’s Clues creepypasta. [The Hollywood Reporter]

Simpsons purists are annoyed because the “Every Simpsons Ever” marathon is being broadcast in a widescreen 16:9 aspect ratio, cropping out some funny visual gags and crucial murder mystery clues. Boy, sounds like FXX is really FXXing things up. Eh? Eh? No? Sorry. [The Verge]

NOISELAND ARCADE

Could the late, great Phil Hartman be revived to reprise his characters in an upcoming Simpsons video game? It’s possible, say the intrepid reporters over at Joystiq.com:

EA even said that it could go back to old shows to pull dialogue; while the company didn’t confirm any specific plans to do so, this method could bring Phil Hartman’s old stable of characters into the game.

On a related note, Hartman’s introductory dialogue in Virtual Springfield is some of my favorite Troy McClure material: “Welcome to Springfield, I’m Troy McClure. You might remember me from such computer travel guides as [randomized joke] and [randomized joke]. You know, the great Calvin Coolidge once called this town ‘a pea-size town with lima bean size dreams.’ So warm up your clicking fingers, and let’s explore a town the poets call Springfield, U.S.A.! *coughs, then walks offscreen*” (Paraphrased from memory. Thanks for nothing, internet). [Joystiq]