Virtual Springfield

NOISELAND ARCADE

street viewNo, of course not, but watching this video from GameSpot (specifically, from 3:43 onward) sorta reminded me of it. Lately, I’ve been nostalgic for Virtual Springfield, which I used to “play” in middle school. If you’re unfamiliar with this classic 1997 Simpsons CD-ROM time-waster, you should totally read this article Bob “bobservo” Mackey wrote about it.

I appreciate how the game makers managed to place pretty much every location that had appeared in the series to that point into a geographical layout that actually made sense, instead of randomly chucking districts together in the face of all logic. If Fox Interactive got their shit together, they could re-use this stuff, add new places from the subsequent 30 seasons of the show, and throw it up on the web with a Google Maps-like interface as a neat web-bonus thing. It would totally blow this fan-made map of Springfield out of the water in terms of sheer coolness.

Also, I’m pretty pleased that the aforementioned video contains a a mostly uninterrupted version of Troy McClure’s welcoming introduction (skip to 1:04), Phil Hartman’s only appearance in a Simpsons video game, because people on YouTube skip over all the dialogue parts for some inexplicable reason. It’s a good Simpsons quote, despite being written by some intern for a point-and-click CD-ROM non-game:

Welcome to Springfield! I’m Troy McClure. You may remember me as town spokesman from such computer travel guides as {Smother Me In Shreveport} and {Living, Loving and Lubbock}. Of course, we all know Springfield for its award-winning dandelions and as birthplace of the glove compartment. But that’s merely scratching the surface of a place the great Calvin Coolidge once labelled, “a pea-sized town with lima bean-sized dreams.” So, warm up your clicking finger and let’s explore a land the poets call Springfield, USA!

The titles of the two other travel guides would vary each time. Here’s a complete (?) list of the other titles, which are curiously omitted from The Simpsons Archive (yet they include stuff from a screensaver???):

  • Eeney-Meeney-Miney Murphreesborough
  • Yuma: It’s Seniorific
  • Smother Me In Shreveport
  • Living, Loving and Lubbock
  • Duluth, It’ll Grow On You
  • Suddenly Tulsa
  • Freedonia: Gateway to Wichita
  • Fairbanks Needs Women
  • I Left My Soul In Sacramento
  • Tender Lovin’ Newark
  • Hats Off To Fargo
  • Pinch Me, I’m In Boise

I think I speak for everyone when I say it’s time we stop fetishizing 8-bit Nintendo games and start a virtual storybook revival.

NOISELAND ARCADE

Could the late, great Phil Hartman be revived to reprise his characters in an upcoming Simpsons video game? It’s possible, say the intrepid reporters over at Joystiq.com:

EA even said that it could go back to old shows to pull dialogue; while the company didn’t confirm any specific plans to do so, this method could bring Phil Hartman’s old stable of characters into the game.

On a related note, Hartman’s introductory dialogue in Virtual Springfield is some of my favorite Troy McClure material: “Welcome to Springfield, I’m Troy McClure. You might remember me from such computer travel guides as [randomized joke] and [randomized joke]. You know, the great Calvin Coolidge once called this town ‘a pea-size town with lima bean size dreams.’ So warm up your clicking fingers, and let’s explore a town the poets call Springfield, U.S.A.! *coughs, then walks offscreen*” (Paraphrased from memory. Thanks for nothing, internet). [Joystiq]