Bill Oakley Releases 90,000 Classified Afghanistan War Reports, 4 Simpsons Documents

Julian Assange
Bill Oakley.

Former Simpsons writer/showrunner and notorious “hacktivist” Bill Oakley, who has been in communication with fans via the internet since before most people even had the internet, has been tearin’ up the Twitter lately, uploading a treasure trove of rare Simpsons material that has never before been made public. Among the documents uploaded so far: the first draft of “$pringfield, (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling),” the first draft of the “Skinner and the Superintendent” segment from “22 Short Films About Springfield,” the original story outline for “Two Bad Neighbors,” and a list of random ideas.

Among the more intriguing ideas lost to the sands of time:

  • An aborted “$pringfield” subplot involving Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Sylvester Stallone maintaining a Planet Hollywood in Springfield that got dropped since the three actors never actually agreed to be on the show.
  • More scenes of Springfield being hit by an economic recession, which somehow feels more timely and relevant than last year’s “No Loan Again, Naturally” despite being written a decade earlier.
  • George and Barbara Bush eating pizza.
  • An episode plot where Bart obtains 144 Jeeps for some reason.
  • This visual gag:

    The town secretary records the vote in a ledger, where we see
    previous idiotic town votes, e.g. “Above-Ground H-Bomb Test,”
    “Lower Drinking Age to 14,” and “Build Monorail.”

  • Lisa and other kids joining the cast of the PBS educational show Zoom, which would’ve featured the line “I’m Milhouse and I’m here with today’s droodle.”
  • The one-word idea “Sinkhole,” which by weird coincidence was a major plot point in The Simpsons Movie
  • One mysterious plot idea that reads simply “The cat story”

    Bart and Lisa try to play some really bad old games on the computer.
    (Adventure Games.) They quickly get bored and starts typing rude things.
    >I do not know how to screw the off computer
    > The “bent” is not in this room.
    >The stupid is not lost

Any self-declared Simpsons nut should take a gander at these. They provide a fascinating glimpse into the minds of Simpsons writers, and it’s neat to see just how much of the episodes we know and love were there from the first draft. [Twitter.com/thatbilloakley]