As the Internet’s number-one premier source for Simpsons news & rumors, IN THE NEWS is proud to be on the receiving end of many a press release. Not to brag or anything, but unlike our so-called competition over at Simpsons Channel and Yahoo! TV Webportal, we are sometimes privy to EXCLUSIVE press releases sent directly from Simpsons HQ! Here’s one we got just the other day:
Despite what you may have heard, The “Simpsons,” America’s only TV family, is still going strong after all these years. Our ratings are as strong as they’ll ever be thanks to the credulity of loyal viewers like you. The crew here at News Corp has just put the finishing touches on the rest of Season 22, and we thought fans might be interested in a little sneak preview of what’s on tap.S-AOL, or the 120 Days of Modem
In a special trilogy of non-canon tech tales, Lisa gets trapped in a promotional ARG, Bart gets trapped in an arcade game, and Homer surfs the web — literally! He literally surfs the world wide web.
Salvia, or the 420 Days of So Dumb
In a special trilogy of non-canon drug diaries, Homer and Barney take a mescaline-fueled trip through the desert Southwest, in the process confronting the dark heart of the American dream; Bart and Milhouse overcome anti-yellow racism in their marijuana-fueled search for a Krusty Burger, in the process confronting the dark heart of the American dream; and Lisa embarks on an ecstacy-fueled picaresque set in late 80s Madchester, in the process confronting the dark heart of the British dream. Guest staring Morrissey.
Yellow, or the 120 Days of So-(Annoyed Grunt)
SEASON FINALE When Mayor Quimby, Reverend Lovejoy, President McBain and the Blue-Haired Lawyer kidnap several Springfield Elementary students and coerce them into committing degrading perversions that irreparably commidfy their sexual identities, it’s comes down to Bart and Lisa to concoct the perfect scheme to save the humanity of their peers and themselves. But first they’ll need some help. Lester and Eliza guest star.
Despite scheduling challenges from the NBA regular season and Bob’s Burgers, we are confident most, if not some, of these episodes will make it to air by the end of next year. And in case you were worried, we’ve got *plenty* more of the cutting and relevant Fox News jokes our truest fans have come to know and love.
Associate Intern, “The Simpsons”
“dont have a cow man! thank you to our brave soldiers serving overseas” – bart simpson
Simpsons insiders: send me all your exclusive Simpsons info, either by e-mail (firstname.lastname@example.org) or by leaving it in the dumpster behind Rug Trader at the corner of Pico and Sepulveda!!!