COMING ATTRACTIONS

COMING ATTRACTIONS, MEANINGLESS MILESTONES

The guy who made a whole movie about how eating a lot of mcdonalds food is bad for you is going to direct a documentary about the simpsons, who gives a shit. The real news is that it’s gonna be called “THE SIMPSONS 20th ANNIVERSARY SPECIAL IN 3-D ON ICE,” which is the best name for a thing ever. [ComingSoon.net]

COMING ATTRACTIONS, JEAN MACHINE, MY TWO CENTS

In the opening of the upcoming annual “Treehouse of Horror” episode, Homer attempts to vote for Barack Obama, remarking that “it’s time for change,” but his EVIL ELECTRONIC VOTING MACHINE marks it as a vote for John McCain. A scuffle ensues, and the machine ends up killing him. (SPOILER ALERT: The previous two sentences may have contained spoilers).

In an eerie parallel, Al Jean has entered his eighth consecutive season of running the show, more than any other showrunner’s “term of office” in the show’s history. If his two years co-running the show with Mike Reiss during seasons 3 and 4 are taken into account, Jean will have been a showrunner for half the show’s run by the end of this season. Is it time for change? Even Homer thinks so. [Wonkette]

COMING ATTRACTIONS, WHAA...?!

According to The New York Post, Homer is going to undergo a colonoscopy this season. Actually, it’s not going to be part of the long-running FOX show, it’s going to be part of the multi-network cancer benefit on September 5 titled Stand Up To Cancer. The Post even quotes a line from the segment that already has me laughing, from Marge: “There’s his wedding band! He told me he was having it polished!”

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN

THE SIMPSONS

[TV Squad]

COMING ATTRACTIONS, MY TWO CENTS, PANEL PIECES

Despite reports to the contrary, the next season is looking to be a continuation of the death spiral that was the past two seasons, if the Simpsons panel at Comic-Con is any indication. A look at what’s to come:

  • Yet another Nelson episode: Really? Again? Who could have imagined that there would be so many goddamn episodes exploring the emotional life of the kid who says “haw haw?”
  • Another slam at the on-screen FOX advertising bugs:

    The panel was brought to a close with a clip from the upcoming season’s Halloween episode. In it, Marge is decorating cupcakes that look like jack-o’-lanterns. She pokes fun at the fact that Halloween “was last week,” but at the Simpsons’ house they’re still celebrating (a nod to the fact that the Halloween episodes never air on Halloween). While she’s speaking, the American Idol “bug” pops up on screen. Marge is upset by this, grabs her Dust Buster and sucks the logo up. She tries to start speaking again, but the Fox Sports “bug” pops up and a bunch of mini-football players run out. Marge kills them with bug spray. Next, 24 (along with a mini-Jack Bauer), Family Guy (with mini-Peter Griffin) and House bugs (with mini-Dr. House) appear. Marge grabs Jack and sticks him to the fridge with a magnet. Next, she “blends” Peter to death with a cappuccino frother. Lastly, she grabs Dr. House, sticks him in the microwave, and blows him up. Cut to the family sitting at the dining room table and Marge walking in with fresh baked bread. “Dinner is served,” says Marge. She slices off a piece of bread to reveal the various body parts of all these guys spelling out “Treehouse of Terror XVII.”

    OK, it was kinda funny when Homer ate Joe Millionaire, but this is comedy cancer.

  • More character returns: This time it’s Lurleen Lumpkin, the country singer Homer managed, and Sideshow Bob’s brother Cecil, following in the footsteps of such other pointless Jean-era returning characters as Homer’s Mother, Bob the RV salesman, Artie Ziff, and The Guy Who Originally Owned The Dog.
  • Al Jean is going to remain showrunner forever: Says No Homers Club poster elephant6rawk, who was there and asked them if they plan on replacing Jean as guy in charge of the show any time soon. There is no hope for The Simpsons.

[IGN]

COMING ATTRACTIONS, PARDON MY ZINGER

Comics legend Alan Moore will be playing the role of the hitherto unseen “Uncle Gareth,” a creepy uncle who will take Bart aside during a family reunion to show him some disturbing x-rated drawings of Wendy from Peter Pan, Dorothy from Wizard of Oz, and Alice from Alice in Wonderland. [Northants News]