EXCLUSIVE, NOISELAND ARCADE, WHAA...?!

marge surprisedMatt Groening came up with the idea for The Simpsons, but that doesn’t mean all his ideas are winners. Like, for instance, Marge Simpson being an anthropomorphic rabbit disguised as a human.

*record scratch* Say wha–?!? Here’s Daria Paris, who was the assistant to former executive producer Sam Simon, as quoted in John Ortved’s The Simpsons: An Uncensored, Unauthorized History:

There were times in the room when Matt would come up with the stupidest ideas. And he had this one: we were going to do an episode where Marge finally lets her hair down, and Matt’s idea was that once she let it down the audience finds out she has rabbit ears, which was ridiculous. And Sam said no.

And here’s what Groening had to say about it on the audio commentary for Selma’s Choice, when writer David M. Stern brings it up and puts him on the spot:

That was the original – back in the – my plan, back in the very beginning, that she was actually a Life in Hell rabbit from my comic strip… but then it just seemed like a… I just said “oh, forget it, there’s no ears under there.”

“Ridiculous” is putting it lightly. Here’s how I’d like to imagine that transpired: the writers and producers are seated around a giant table in a Dr. Strangelove-like Situation Room. Matt Groening causally brings up his idea that Marge Simpson – loving wife, devoted mother, future Playboy centerfold – is a rabbit in disguise, a secret that would be revealed in the final episode. A long, awkward silence ensues, as the writers sit in stunned disbelief at the utter insanity their boss just uttered. Suddenly, Sam Simon starts yelling at Groening about what a stupid idea that is. After a big back-and-forth about the plausibility of the whole concept, Simon finally puts his foot down, and Groening shame-facedly retreats to his office, to console himself with money. And thus we were all spared from the horror of Marge’s closet rabbitness being An Actual Thing.

…OR WERE WE?!?!

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WHAA...?!

margeFrom bootleg Black Bart t-shirts to Deep Deep Trouble, Bart Simpson has always been the Simpson most associated with rap. But all that’s about to change.

Nicki Minaj recently admitted in an interview that her eccentric big wigs are inspired by Marge Simpson’s 2-foot hairdo:

“Never did I think I would be rocking the Marge Simpson,” Minaj tells PEOPLE of her wigs, which she claims are reminiscent of The Simpsons matriarch’s tall blue beehive. “But you know what, now that I am [wearing] them I realize that she was cutting edge and before her time. So shout out to Marge.”

It’s about time Marge started getting some respect. She raps, has been known to krump on occasion, and digs Cypress Hill. Where’s her iced-out chain?

WHAA...?!

meltdownNetworks in Germany, Austria, and Switzerland are planning to edit Simpsons episodes that feature nuclear disasters, because evidently the Fun Police in those countries have decided it’s not ok to laugh at cartoon meltdowns while real-life meltdowns are occurring. It’s unclear how far these networks are intending to go; the episodes “Homer Defined” and “King-Size Homer” would almost certainly be severely cut down or removed from rotation altogether, but are appearances by Blinky the three-eyed fish ok? What about Homer throwing a bar plutonium in the sewer every week in the title sequence? Fortunately, the censors only have to go through eight seasons, after which Homer all but quits his job at the plant to take on a multitude of wacky new jobs.

Meanwhile, Diablo Canyon Power Plant in California, best known for being namedropped in “Bart on the Road,” is facing increased criticism for violating safety regulations, as well as its close proximity to multiple fault lines.

[Hollywood Reporter via @dailysimpsons]
[Rachel Maddow]

WHAA...?!

herzogAcclaimed German director Werner Herzog (Fitzcarraldo, Grizzly Man, Beverly Hills Chihuahua 2) was apparently unaware that The Simpsons was a TV show, if the shoe-eating auteur is to be believed:

An episode of The Simpsons is soon due to air in which Herzog’s famous voice will make a cameo appearance. “I was very surprised when they approached me because I thought The Simpsons was a newspaper cartoon. So when they called, I said, ‘Do a voice? I don’t understand, it’s a TV programme?’ They thought I was joking,” he continues, chuckling, “but I was not.”

Well, it was a weekly comic strip for like a year, so he was partially right. [The Guardian]

WHAA...?!

to tahitiThe Cato Institute, the highly respected and influential libertarian think tank, just released an important study revealing that the Obama Administration’s push for high-speed rail is exactly the same as as an episode of a cartoon show:

Biden’s performance brings to mind the classic Simpsons episode “Marge vs. the Monorail” in which con-man Lyle Lanley convinces the town’s residents to waste money on an exciting-sounding high-speed train that turns out to be a boondoggle.

Looks like Vice President Biden made the mistake of talking to a group of people about transportation and being enthusiastic about it! Everybody knows you’re not supposed to do that anymore, or else you’ll be compared to a Phil Hartman character from 20 years ago. Doesn’t this guy have handlers?

There are some uncanny parallels between the two pitches.

OH I BET THERE ARE.

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WHAA...?!

comic book guyIn a stunning career move never before accomplished, former Vanity Fair editor John Ortved made the leap from penning a whole bunch of words about The Simpsons to typing a dating blog for Glamour magazine, where he regularly explores questions like “Do You Have a Set Number of Dates Before You’ll Sleep With a Guy?” and “Do You Ever Film ‘It?’? Should You Ever?” Could there be a correlation between Simpsons nerdiness and sex smarts? Developing… [Glamour]

WHAA...?!

lisa in iceIn a stunning rebuke to global warming, the Dachstein Ice Palace in Austria is set to unveil its new copyright-infringing ice sculpture of TV’s the Simpsons today, or at least that’s all I could extrapolate from this article:

Die Eiskünstler Hans Böhmer (Mitarbeiter der Dachsteingletscher-Bahn), Christian Schmid und Sebastian Zörweg haben in den letzten Wochen mehr als 4 Tonnen Kunsteis und 9 Tonnen Gletschereis verarbeitet, um die Simpsons in Lebensgröße so realistisch wie möglich zu schnitzen. Ab Samstag, den 12. Juni können alle Gäste auf der wohl berühmtesten Couch der Fernsehgeschichte gemeinsam mit der Familie Simpson Platz nehmen. Neu ist auch der Fotopoint im Dachstein Eispalast. Besteigen Sie den Eis- Thron und fühlen Sie sich für ein paar Augenblicke wie ein König in dieser frostig – faszinierenden Eiswelt. Dazu Dachstein-Geschäftsführer Ernst Trummer: “Der Eispalast ist seit dem 1. Tag eine Erfolgsgeschichte. Um weiterhin für unsere vielen Besucher attraktiv zu bleiben, haben wir heuer alle Figuren neugeschnitzt und die Eis-Säle neu gestaltet”.

You should watch the video, particularly the moment at 1:54. [SimpsonsNews.de]

COMING ATTRACTIONS, WHAA...?!

According to The New York Post, Homer is going to undergo a colonoscopy this season. Actually, it’s not going to be part of the long-running FOX show, it’s going to be part of the multi-network cancer benefit on September 5 titled Stand Up To Cancer. The Post even quotes a line from the segment that already has me laughing, from Marge: “There’s his wedding band! He told me he was having it polished!”

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN

THE SIMPSONS

[TV Squad]