TOON BEAT

Holy crap Lois, they’re making a Family Guy MMO (that’s massively multiplayer online game), for some reason. So if you’re tired of stomping around Warcraft or whatever you can pretend to be a virtual Family Guy character and walk around Quahog making lazy pop culture references with other Family Guy fanatics. Wow!!! It’ll be like TV Tropes and Second Life had a baby, except with over 9,000 times more epic random for the win purple monkey dishwasher. I’m guessing there will be some “game” elements, like, I don’t know, beating up the chicken guy or the evil monkey (remember the time Peter beat up the chicken? Remember?). Will there be gang wars between Simpsons fans and Family Guy fans? Who knows! Nobody knows anything about this thing yet, all we know is there’s a site where you can pre-register for a beta, and if you view the page source, the description says “Sign up for the Family Guy Online today and receive news & events about the upcoming MMO!” So yeah.

Any MMO based on an animated sitcom is going to be horrible, but I gotta wonder why they didn’t do this for The Simpsons first – Springfield is a dense location with lots of places to explore, people are still obsessed with “Simpsonizing” themselves and celebrities (I have never, ever seen anyone on the internet “MacFarlaneize” anything), etc. Maybe they tried and it never came to fruition? Maybe Fox did some studies and discovered “the gaming community” knows The Simpsons is horribly lame now? The world may never know.

Anyway, here’s some funny tweets:

Sounds like a plan, y’all. [Family Guy Online]

THE INSIDE SCOOP

super 8 Remember back in 2007, when about ten or so 7-Elevens across the country became Kwik-E-Marts as part of an unprecedented marketing push for the The Simpsons movie? Just about everyone agreed it was a genius promotional stunt. Well, now it’s 2011 and it looks like Hollywood hackman J.J. Abrams has shamelessly copied the whole thing. Over 2,000 Motel 6 motels across the United States and Canada have been transformed into “Super 8” motels in order to market Abram’s latest popcorn flick, Super 8. Each room has been specially designed to resemble the 1970s, the time period in which the film takes place. They’ve even made a super-convincing viral web site.

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ANIMOTION MACHINE

david silvermanKids, I have something to tell you. I know you love your Emmy-winning director of The Simpsons and Monsters Inc. David Silverman very much. Well, he’s been getting very sick lately and sick directors need lots of fresh air so they can get healthy again. Some nice men from MGM came by and they graciously volunteered to put him on a Punk Farm upstate. They’ll going to take good care for him and give him lots of love. He’ll have lots of room to run free, and play the flaming tuba, and direct a CG kids movie about “five barnyard animals who form an underground rock band.” Please don’t be sad. I’m sure David Silverman loves you very much and he wouldn’t want you to worry about him. He’s going to be so happy up there, and make lots of new animator friends. So don’t you worry your precious little head about ol’ David Silverman. He’s in a better place now.

[Variety]

THE INSIDE SCOOP, UP LATE WITH McBAIN

Back in February, we blew the doors off the biggest plagiarism scandal to rock the entertainment industry since Disney’s wholesale appropriation of Osamu Tezuka’s Kimba the White Lion (Really, Disney? “Simba?”): former Tonight Show guest host Conan O’Brien’s blatant theft of The Simpsons‘ iconic “couch gag” in the titles of his new show. After three months of stonewalling our indisputable allegations, the thievery gang known as “Team Coco” has finally broken down and acknowledged the shameful theft in the titles of last night’s Conan:

Conan titles, episode 98

You can see it in action in this curiously unembeddable video. For the watching-impaired, the silhouetted family from Conan‘s titles returns home to find the Simpsons (including a Small Bart) making off with their television. Clearly the subtext is clear: Conan has stolen The Simpsons‘s couch gag, so the Simpsons are stealing a television.

Now, obviously this can’t undo all the hurt and damage that has arisen as a result from their reckless disregard for intellectual property, but this acknowledgement is certainly a step forward on the path to recovery. While our editorial policy forbids the tooting of one’s horn, we would be remiss without noting that once again, rubbercat.net/simpsons has achieved positive change as a direct result of our steadfast reporting. You’re welcome, everyone.

COMING ATTRACTIONS, MY TWO CENTS

Seddie by KarlaRockangelMy biggest beef with The Simpsons nowadays is how much it feels like fan fiction. Characters speak in the same stilted voice, their personality traits are either ignored or sacrificed so they can be crammed into a ridiculous situation, and storylines tend to revolve around shocking new revelations, origin stories, and pairing characters together. So I’m not surprised that the show is actually giving control to shippers.

This Sunday, after a new episode where Mrs. Krabappel (she and Mr. K should really get that divorce finalized) starts dating Ned Flanders, viewers will get to decide whether their relationship continues, in a half-assed attempt to generate “buzz.” It’s exactly like that Batman thing from the 1980s where readers decided whether Robin lived or died, except with “Nedna.” Yes, they’ve already coined a name for it.

The Simpsons has a good track record of cleverly subverting their shameless stunts: Mr. Burns was shot by the least likely suspect; a fan-created character was killed instantly. But I highly doubt even a hilarious twist could salvage this desperate gimmick. Will it be a forgettable waste of time? Or will it be a forgettable waste of time? (Answer: It will be a forgettable waste of time.) [TVbytheNumbers]

TOON BEAT

flintstones movieThe inexplicably beloved Hanna-Barbera franchise The Flintstones, which holds the dubious distinction of being the first cartoon sitcom, is being reinvented for today’s audiences by Seth MacFarlane, the auteur behind 90% of today’s cartoon sitcoms, including Family Guy and Family Guy Spinoff. Remaking a boring Honeymooners rip-off from half a century ago that nobody actually likes, except maybe nostalgia-blinded baby boomers? Check. Another goddamned Seth MacFarlane show greenlit by Fox, despite their ridiculous insistence that their strategy is not “all Seth, all the time?” Check. This is the state of television in 2011. [Deadline.com]

CULT LIFESTYLE

leaderNancy Cartwright, voice of Bart Simpson and a prominent member of the Church of Scientology, appeared before a legislative hearing at the Illinois State Capitol in Springfield (!) to stress that her Scientology-inspired character-education program is totally secular and should be taught to schoolchildren.

The Illinois School Code requires “character education,” defined as “the teaching of respect, responsibility, fairness, [etc.]” to be taught in schools. A House Resolution filed by Rep. Daniel Burke (D-Chicago), recommended several programs and clubs that satisfy that requirement, including Cartwright’s “Good Choices” program, of which the bill specifically “encourages its use and the use of similar programs by educators, coaches, mentors, and other community service leaders.”

Cartwright freely admits “Good Choices” is based on “The Way to Happiness,” a 1980 self-help booklet by Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard, which teaches important lessons like “Do Not Murder” (precept 8) and “Don’t Do Anything Illegal” (precept 9). While Hubbard’s tract is advertised as non-religious, Newsweek noted that it “uses key words and concepts taken directly from Scientology’s religious lexicon.” Cartwright is a big promoter of the booklet; through her charity, she distributed a million copies of it to the San Fernando Valley in 2007.

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AZTEC THEATRE, SCULLY DUGGERY

Mike Scully, the former Simpsons showrunner who ushered in The Bad Years, made a quick cameo on last Thursday’s episode of Parks & Recreation (he’s a writer/producer for the show). Be forewarned that the Hulu, NBC, and show idents are probably longer than the clip itself: