Remember back in 2007, when about ten or so 7-Elevens across the country became Kwik-E-Marts as part of an unprecedented marketing push for the The Simpsons movie? Just about everyone agreed it was a genius promotional stunt. Well, now it’s 2011 and it looks like Hollywood hackman J.J. Abrams has shamelessly copied the whole thing. Over 2,000 Motel 6 motels across the United States and Canada have been transformed into “Super 8” motels in order to market Abram’s latest popcorn flick, Super 8. Each room has been specially designed to resemble the 1970s, the time period in which the film takes place. They’ve even made a super-convincing viral web site.
Back in February, we blew the doors off the biggest plagiarism scandal to rock the entertainment industry since Disney’s wholesale appropriation of Osamu Tezuka’s Kimba the White Lion (Really, Disney? “Simba?”): former Tonight Show guest host Conan O’Brien’s blatant theft of The Simpsons‘ iconic “couch gag” in the titles of his new show. After three months of stonewalling our indisputable allegations, the thievery gang known as “Team Coco” has finally broken down and acknowledged the shameful theft in the titles of last night’s Conan:
You can see it in action in this curiously unembeddable video. For the watching-impaired, the silhouetted family from Conan‘s titles returns home to find the Simpsons (including a Small Bart) making off with their television. Clearly the subtext is clear: Conan has stolen The Simpsons‘s couch gag, so the Simpsons are stealing a television.
Now, obviously this can’t undo all the hurt and damage that has arisen as a result from their reckless disregard for intellectual property, but this acknowledgement is certainly a step forward on the path to recovery. While our editorial policy forbids the tooting of one’s horn, we would be remiss without noting that once again, rubbercat.net/simpsons has achieved positive change as a direct result of our steadfast reporting. You’re welcome, everyone.
As the Internet’s number-one premier source for Simpsons news & rumors, IN THE NEWS is proud to be on the receiving end of many a press release. Not to brag or anything, but unlike our so-called competition over at Simpsons Channel and Yahoo! TV Webportal, we are sometimes privy to EXCLUSIVE press releases sent directly from Simpsons HQ! Here’s one we got just the other day:
Despite what you may have heard, The “Simpsons,” America’s only TV family, is still going strong after all these years. Our ratings are as strong as they’ll ever be thanks to the credulity of loyal viewers like you. The crew here at News Corp has just put the finishing touches on the rest of Season 22, and we thought fans might be interested in a little sneak preview of what’s on tap.S-AOL, or the 120 Days of Modem
In a special trilogy of non-canon tech tales, Lisa gets trapped in a promotional ARG, Bart gets trapped in an arcade game, and Homer surfs the web — literally! He literally surfs the world wide web.
Salvia, or the 420 Days of So Dumb
In a special trilogy of non-canon drug diaries, Homer and Barney take a mescaline-fueled trip through the desert Southwest, in the process confronting the dark heart of the American dream; Bart and Milhouse overcome anti-yellow racism in their marijuana-fueled search for a Krusty Burger, in the process confronting the dark heart of the American dream; and Lisa embarks on an ecstacy-fueled picaresque set in late 80s Madchester, in the process confronting the dark heart of the British dream. Guest staring Morrissey.
Yellow, or the 120 Days of So-(Annoyed Grunt)
SEASON FINALE When Mayor Quimby, Reverend Lovejoy, President McBain and the Blue-Haired Lawyer kidnap several Springfield Elementary students and coerce them into committing degrading perversions that irreparably commidfy their sexual identities, it’s comes down to Bart and Lisa to concoct the perfect scheme to save the humanity of their peers and themselves. But first they’ll need some help. Lester and Eliza guest star.
Despite scheduling challenges from the NBA regular season and Bob’s Burgers, we are confident most, if not some, of these episodes will make it to air by the end of next year. And in case you were worried, we’ve got *plenty* more of the cutting and relevant Fox News jokes our truest fans have come to know and love.
Associate Intern, “The Simpsons”
“dont have a cow man! thank you to our brave soldiers serving overseas” – bart simpson
Simpsons insiders: send me all your exclusive Simpsons info, either by e-mail (firstname.lastname@example.org) or by leaving it in the dumpster behind Rug Trader at the corner of Pico and Sepulveda!!!
Think Wikileaks is the only organization that can bust out top-secret information on the ‘net? Think again! Once again, a top-secret informant who works on the show has sent us some EXCLUSIVE information about upcoming Season 22 episodes. If these plots are any indication, it looks like we’re in for another “Golden Era”!
Here’s our tipster’s e-mail, reproduced in full:
here at Simpsons Studios we’ve just finished another batch of new episodes of america’s most popular tv show. here’s what’s on tap:Homer’s Earlier Work
After Homer’s old vlogcasts are lampooned by Daniel Tosh, he tells Bart and Lisa the story of his early Duff Blue Ribbon-fueled romance with Marge in the heady days of 2007 Williamsburg. Guest starring M.I.A., Avey Tare, Tao Lin, and Ryan Schreiber.
I Can’t Believe It’s a Bigger and Better Updated Unofficial Simpsons Glide
Jealous of Marge’s burgeoning gliding career, Homer buys a glider, much to the chagrin of Bart, whose own gliding ambitions have stalled. Meanwhile, Lisa finds herself in a predicament she can’t glide out of.
Speaker of the House John [Annoyed Grunt]-ner
Disgusted by Obama’s bear tax, Homer leads a one-man crusade to restore America to its former glory. Lisa breaks the news to Wendell about her powerful new beau. Guest starring Will Arnett, with Jon Stewart as Ignorant Man.
Things go smoothly when uptight Miss Hoover takes the helm of the Krusty Show… that is, until an in-your-face Carl Carlson joins the cast! Guest starring Paul Scheer as a Krustylu page.
Episode About The Internet Awkwardly Written By Aging Gen Xers (working title)
When the townspeople discover that Lisa is behind their unflattering Wikipedia pages, it’s a race against the clock as only one man can save Springfield from speedy deletion. Meanwhile, Bart tries to cash in on this meme craze, only to face some tough questions from Snowball II about the chicken nuggets. Guest starring Jimmy Wales.
as you can see we’ve got some great stuff coming up, and we need all the buzz we can get to keep the simpsons #1. also please note that most if not all of these episodes will be preempted by professional football and eventually played during summer 2013, if ever.
Remember, you can always send us your hot hot Simpsons info by e-mail (email@example.com), by Twitter (@rubbrcatsimp), or by fax (as soon as we get our fax machine working)! [Twitter.com/virgiltexas]
Nobody really likes either politician, but they can manage to hold on to their jobs as long as they’re up against really polarizing candidates, like homicidal maniac Sideshow Bob or Tea Party weirdo Sharron Angle.
The tough-guy candidate threatened to “take out” a reporter, and wielded a baseball bat like a crazy man during his bizarre concession speech. Now, for legal reasons, I’m not saying Paldino is part of the mob, but he seems to be channeling Springfield mafioso Fat Tony.
Nevada reporters tried to get Angle to answer questions, but she remained stubbornly silent, much like the perpetually binkied Simpson baby. Also, both appear to be in favor of exercising “Second Amendment remedies.”
As all Gleeks know, the cast of TV’s megahit Glee will be guest-starring in an upcoming Simpsons episode entitled “Elementary School Musical,” scheduled to air September 26, 2010. But rubbercat.net/simpsons has EXCLUSIVELY obtained your first look at how your favorite Glee characters will look Simpsonized:
simpsons glee gleeks omglee gleetastic fox musical theatre theater spoilers simpsons pictures images matt groening simpsonized elementary school musical jane lynch sue sylvester mark sailing puck chris colfer kurt hummel kevin mchale artie abrams amber riley mercedes jones iphone android tina cohen-chang jenna ushkowitz search engine optimization
A top-secret informant has come forward with the plots of several upcoming episodes that will air in the upcoming 22nd season:
The Maude Squad
Maude Flanders returns to Springfield through an emergency exit door in Heaven
My Son Is Also Named A-Bort-ion
An old flame leads Marge to make a shocking revelation. Meanwhile Homer is tricked into becoming a pissboy. Jon Lovitz reprises his role as Jay Sherman.
Now You See It, Now You Donut
A diet hypnotist makes Homer blind to fatty foods. Guest starring Mel Brooks and Rep. Joe Wilson.
Kenya Feel It?
At Grampa’s urging the Simpsons travel to Hawaii to find President’s birth certificate.
Lisa starts a successful web 2.0 startup only have her code stolen by Mark Zuckerberg. Homer constructs a tin roof. Guest starring Justin Long and Jon Hodgman, with Heidi Montag and Kim Kardashian as “shack sluts”
While researching “SIMPSONS ALUMNI UPDATE 2010,” I learned that former Simpsons writer Dana Gould used the pseudonym “Lawrence Talbot” on the “Simpsons Go To China” episode where Aunt Selma buys a Chinese baby who has never been mentioned since. Gould’s use of a pseudonym struck me as peculiar: was it because of some legal thing? Could it be that a writer who started in the post-funny era could actually be so ashamed of his work that he would want to distance himself from it? What’s the point of using a pseudonym when the genuinym is so easily findable on the Internet?
Now, IN THE NEWS is a Very Serious News Organization that takes great pride in its journalistic integrity – here is my real, actual, not-making-this-up press badge – and so, for answers, I went straight to the source: the only e-mail address I could find on his website.
Date: Sat, Mar 20, 2010
Subj: lawrence talbot
dear mr. gould
i have a press inquiry: why did u use a pseudonym for the simpsons episode “goo goo gai pan”? or is wikipedia got it’s facts wrong.
urs in christ,
I got no response. OK, whatever, this probably happens to Morley Safer all the time. Undeterred, I sent a second inquiry, this time with all the respectability I could summon.
Date: Thu, Apr 8, 2010
Subj: press inquiry
Dear Sir Or Madam Whom It May Concern:
On the 20th of March I sent a press inquiry to this address, which as of this writing has not garnered a reply. I shall rephrase and repeat the question in hopes of an answer: why did Mr. Gould choose to use the pseudonym “Lawrence Talbot” for the The Simpsons episode entitled “Goo Goo Gai Pan” (production code #GABF06, original airdate 13 March 2005)?
I am an important member of The Press and I will not rest until I get an answer. A simple “no comment” will suffice. You may answer “off the record” if that is more palatable to you.
Yours in Christ,
Head Journalist, IN THE NEWS
Then I sort of forgot about this whole thing for a while, but then I remembered about it and I got mad. I was through playing games. It was time for answers!
Date: Fri, Apr 23, 2010
I’ve had it!!! Twice I have e-mailed this address for a simple answer as to why Dana Gould used the pseudonym Lawrence Talbot, and I STILL have gotten no response! WHAT ARE YOU HIDING, DANA GOULD? If I don’t get a response by April 30th, I will have no choice but to go public with unfounded rumours and speculation about Mr. Gould. YOU CANNOT HIDE FROM THE PRESS.
Needless to say, I still have yet to receive a response from Mr. Gould or his associates.
So why is this guy, Dana Gould, hiding behind a fake name and stonewalling the fourth estate? Here are my theories:
- Dana Gould murdered a teenage girl during a trip to China
- Dana Gould shot up an entire orphanage
- Dana Gould was fired from Fox because of his rampant drug abuse
- Dana Gould is the reason The Simpsons is so bad now
- Dana Gould was ashamed of his name after discovering it is an anagram for “analog dud”
- Dana Gould was incarcerated at the time (prisoners are not allowed to write for TV)
- Dana Gould is a deadbeat dad attempting to hide his TV revenue from his ex-wife
- Dana Gould was in possession of evidence that could have brought down the Bush Administration
- Dana Gould was put into witness protection after seeing a mafia guy kill a dude
- Dana Gould’s body is the current soul vessel for the entity once known as “Andy Kaufman”
No denials as of yet… hmmm….
Due to Film Roman’s inability to meet their demands for “faster, better, cheaper” animation, Simpsons producers have switched animation studios for the first time since 1992. Starting next season, The Simpsons will be primarily animated by a small animation studio in post-Soviet Georgia. Here’s a preview clip: